just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
