Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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