I wannas sexs uuuuu
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
