I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
