I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
