I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
