He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
