i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
