Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
