This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
