Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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