remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
