Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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