Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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