you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
