I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
True college students do jello shots in the library
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
