"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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