so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
