I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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