im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize