I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
