I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
