Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
