you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
