put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
