You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
