Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
