i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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