If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
