actually, I'm a sock model
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so that wasnt chicken after all
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
