god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
