You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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