i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
