upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
