Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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