how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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