I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
