his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
