You made me cry and you don't even care
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
