I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
