I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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