yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
