and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
