Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
