..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
4 words: hood of his car
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
