White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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