Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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