listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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