Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
