I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I want a musical about memes.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
