brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
