Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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